I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
