shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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