I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
BRING THE BAGELS
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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