Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
