your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They should really pass out barf bags in church
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I need moral support for this bender
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
