there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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