I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
