Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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