I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
