I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
