You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
