Need sex. Gaining weight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize