if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
