why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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