i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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