A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This baby is an asshole
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
