Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
