You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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