Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
