he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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