he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
