She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
