There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
