if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
