True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
