If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
