people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
