I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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