Can i not drive my cunt home
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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