OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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