I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
