in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
handjob tips. give me some.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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