ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
