my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
