tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
