I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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