If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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