If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Randomize
