So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
