Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
