So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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