im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize
