fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
whose parrot is this?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
