Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
