It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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