My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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