There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
