Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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