i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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