her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i out mim tonsoeep
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