so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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