if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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