let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
