margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
