Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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