grandma shit on top of the toilet
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
