i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize