do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
