you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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