Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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