aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
