I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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