Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
