Kiss
Puke
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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