woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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