Kiss
Puke
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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