Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
