Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it because I queefed?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
