all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
