I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
